Snubbed by lack of BBC Sports Personality invitation

I went to bed last night feeling a tad aggrieved that the BBC doesn’t invite me to the Sports Personality of the Year Award anymore. It used to be an event I looked forward to, along with the Royal Television Society Awards, but invitations are no longer forthcoming.

There are mitigating circumstances, I suppose. I have closed my office since the last invitation came two years ago. I’ve disposed of my interests in sports television and changed my business entirely. I’ve also moved house and started going under the name I was born with instead of the professional name by which everybody knows me, save for my closest friends. Still, I’d like to think the BBC would try a bit harder to track me down.

Let me tell you, in case you’ve been invited this year for the first time, that it’s a reasonable night out but fraught with social dangers if you find it difficult being nice to egotistical bastards. Last time out, for example, I blotted my copybook somewhat by very loudly asking former-Superbike World Champion Carl Fogarty whether he got beaten up a lot. In my defence, I have to say that I’d never met such an arrogant, ignorant, boorish git and there are others I can name who will second my opinion. (I’d rather eat live bees than spend another evening in his company and I’m not going to say sorry, even if that is the reason I haven’t been invited this year.)

In complete contrast, another awards evening was rendered joyous by a diamond geezer from the same sport, the witty and erudite Steve Parrish, who made a hysterical double act with former-powerboat World Champion Steve Curtis.

But you’re in for a really great night – after which your ribs will probably hurt for a week from laughing – if you hook up with our own inestimable Jonathan Davies and feed him a few double sherbets.